scribbles at room's wall

if things gets too confusing, ill explain things until it gets clearer.

if you’re doubtful, ill give you guarantees.

if you feel upset, ill hug you tight. and i dont mind you not saying a thing.

if you feel bored, ill take you out on a date, or maybe play the guitar for you.

if you feel tired, ill let you sleep on my lap.

if you feel like crying, ill wipe your tears out, and we’ll keep it a secret.

if you feel hungry, let’s starve together. i mean ill try cooking.

if you wanna watch your favorite TV show, FINE! ill give up the remote control.

if your having a bad hair day, ill brush your hair with my fingertips, and you cant look any better. ;)

if you’re mad, i swear not to walk out. ill stay.

if there are fights, ill let you talk first, then ill say things like “no more fights, please”

if you’re broke, ill put my guitar on sale.

if you’re sick, ill write you letters everyday and will tell you how fascinating sunrise is.

if you got low exam scores, they’re all crap. you’ll surely do better next time hunn. really. :*

if you just wanna leave, ill give you reasons to stay.

if you fell out of love from me, ill tell you our love story

—and will start sleeping. :|

*mUnix nikai

untuned

tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug

there's that sound again. cannot stand it. so i cover my ears with my both hands as the cab turn its last left turn. "dito na lang po".

Still one block away, I wanna walk. I am not doing baby steps. But i am not doing my usual walkathon either. Look? didn't lit a cigar even. "Monique", I heard. T' was my childhood friend. I just smiled and made my favorite gesture 'salute'. And walkaway to avoid even a smalltalk. I don't feel like talking and reminiscing our childhood with our 'childhood sweethearts story'.

A pretty little girl welcomed me home. "ate" with that bratty smile. So I handed her, her favorite. And i kissed her.

I stepped inside. And a woman smiled at me. "Monique, kaen?". I just smiled back. "Papa?", I said. "Office pa.", she answered.

I went to 'My Place', locked the door. Placed my eyeglass on the side table and my bag as-well, filled with clothes for like 3 to 4 days. And lay down the bed.

'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'. There you go again. Torture. I cannot cry, I wonder. I know it when i just wanna hide myself and cry like a pro. Pacific ocean, favorite. But I have all these feelings that I wanna cry like hell but cannot cry real hard. This is way different. Maybe because I expected the worse, and just hope for the best. Oh well.

After almost 5 hours of lying down and covering my ears.

*door knock*

"Nikai", it was my Dad.

He entered and sat beside the bed. he knows, than I'm just playing asleep.

"Shyrl Monique"

He sat there for like 5 minutes. But I just ignored him. So he just went outside.


'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'

Torture. Covering my ears with both hands AGAIN. And it feels near. Near, I mean near. Like at my right arm.

And that sound. Sounds real. Feels real. I thought.

-Nikai

8:47 AM 8/18/2010

JOURNAL ENTRY: drinkin and flyin.

As I sit beside that dude, I lay my arm beside him. I can feel his heartbeat. I can also hear it maybe. 'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'. Sounds nice ehh? :"> I secretly smiled and maybe blushed. I just want him near. He doesn't know. That I just wanna sit beside him everyday. And have him near. And hug him and kiss him, and love him, love him, love him. And I just stared at the wide-screen because we're there to watch that movie, not for me to let him know things such as I love him like I'll love him everyday. ;)