untuned

tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug

there's that sound again. cannot stand it. so i cover my ears with my both hands as the cab turn its last left turn. "dito na lang po".

Still one block away, I wanna walk. I am not doing baby steps. But i am not doing my usual walkathon either. Look? didn't lit a cigar even. "Monique", I heard. T' was my childhood friend. I just smiled and made my favorite gesture 'salute'. And walkaway to avoid even a smalltalk. I don't feel like talking and reminiscing our childhood with our 'childhood sweethearts story'.

A pretty little girl welcomed me home. "ate" with that bratty smile. So I handed her, her favorite. And i kissed her.

I stepped inside. And a woman smiled at me. "Monique, kaen?". I just smiled back. "Papa?", I said. "Office pa.", she answered.

I went to 'My Place', locked the door. Placed my eyeglass on the side table and my bag as-well, filled with clothes for like 3 to 4 days. And lay down the bed.

'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'. There you go again. Torture. I cannot cry, I wonder. I know it when i just wanna hide myself and cry like a pro. Pacific ocean, favorite. But I have all these feelings that I wanna cry like hell but cannot cry real hard. This is way different. Maybe because I expected the worse, and just hope for the best. Oh well.

After almost 5 hours of lying down and covering my ears.

*door knock*

"Nikai", it was my Dad.

He entered and sat beside the bed. he knows, than I'm just playing asleep.

"Shyrl Monique"

He sat there for like 5 minutes. But I just ignored him. So he just went outside.


'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'

Torture. Covering my ears with both hands AGAIN. And it feels near. Near, I mean near. Like at my right arm.

And that sound. Sounds real. Feels real. I thought.

-Nikai

8:47 AM 8/18/2010

JOURNAL ENTRY: drinkin and flyin.

As I sit beside that dude, I lay my arm beside him. I can feel his heartbeat. I can also hear it maybe. 'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'. Sounds nice ehh? :"> I secretly smiled and maybe blushed. I just want him near. He doesn't know. That I just wanna sit beside him everyday. And have him near. And hug him and kiss him, and love him, love him, love him. And I just stared at the wide-screen because we're there to watch that movie, not for me to let him know things such as I love him like I'll love him everyday. ;)