untuned

tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug

there's that sound again. cannot stand it. so i cover my ears with my both hands as the cab turn its last left turn. "dito na lang po".

Still one block away, I wanna walk. I am not doing baby steps. But i am not doing my usual walkathon either. Look? didn't lit a cigar even. "Monique", I heard. T' was my childhood friend. I just smiled and made my favorite gesture 'salute'. And walkaway to avoid even a smalltalk. I don't feel like talking and reminiscing our childhood with our 'childhood sweethearts story'.

A pretty little girl welcomed me home. "ate" with that bratty smile. So I handed her, her favorite. And i kissed her.

I stepped inside. And a woman smiled at me. "Monique, kaen?". I just smiled back. "Papa?", I said. "Office pa.", she answered.

I went to 'My Place', locked the door. Placed my eyeglass on the side table and my bag as-well, filled with clothes for like 3 to 4 days. And lay down the bed.

'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'. There you go again. Torture. I cannot cry, I wonder. I know it when i just wanna hide myself and cry like a pro. Pacific ocean, favorite. But I have all these feelings that I wanna cry like hell but cannot cry real hard. This is way different. Maybe because I expected the worse, and just hope for the best. Oh well.

After almost 5 hours of lying down and covering my ears.

*door knock*

"Nikai", it was my Dad.

He entered and sat beside the bed. he knows, than I'm just playing asleep.

"Shyrl Monique"

He sat there for like 5 minutes. But I just ignored him. So he just went outside.


'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'

Torture. Covering my ears with both hands AGAIN. And it feels near. Near, I mean near. Like at my right arm.

And that sound. Sounds real. Feels real. I thought.

-Nikai

8:47 AM 8/18/2010

JOURNAL ENTRY: drinkin and flyin.

As I sit beside that dude, I lay my arm beside him. I can feel his heartbeat. I can also hear it maybe. 'tugtug'tugtug'tugtug'. Sounds nice ehh? :"> I secretly smiled and maybe blushed. I just want him near. He doesn't know. That I just wanna sit beside him everyday. And have him near. And hug him and kiss him, and love him, love him, love him. And I just stared at the wide-screen because we're there to watch that movie, not for me to let him know things such as I love him like I'll love him everyday. ;)

so if id say 'stay'

i want a submissive guy!

i want someone who is submissive, this time.

so if id say 'stay'.

he would.

-nikai

if you fall inlove. :s

if you are going to fall in love with me,
it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

--you are falling in love with my insecurities,
and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me.

you are falling in love with my immaturity,
my constant need to feel loved and appreciated,

my overactive tear ducts,
my internet obsession,
my tendency to be too clingy.

you fall in love with my troubled past,
and my hopes and dreams,
and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart.

if you fall in love with me,
you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections
and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

but, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when i’m with you,

the way i’ll text you in the mornings just telling you i hope you have a great day.

youre falling in love with the occasionally
humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say,

and the way i blush when people ask me about you.

but to me,the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me,

despite my thinking that it is impossible.

gang bang shit' :s

I NEVER LOVED YOU?!

tell me why I go the extra distance.

i can’t drive, but I take the effort to come see you,
even when it’s in the pouring rain.

tell me why whenever you hang up,
Im always the one that calls you back until you pick up?

tell me why I always text you,
just so you can reply back,
so I know that you’re okay.

tell me why I care for you so much?

tell me why I changed for you?
I quit smoking, I quit rolling, I quit my gang bang shit,
and all my bad ways just to be with you.

you never asked me to, but I did.
you know why?

cause I’d do everything anything to be with you.

—anything :s

journal entry #262

ako ay napa'ibig.
ng lugar na kung saan malayo sayo.



babalik.

na di magtatagal.
babalik kung saan ang puso nabi'bilang.

sayo.
hindi na ulit mag aalala.

dadating ang panahon.
babalik sa piling ng walang kasing gandang katulad mo.

wala kang kahantulad.

probinsya.
tunay na ako'y iyong napa'ibig. :)

a snailmail :)

Name: Shyrl Monique Torres Antonio
Birth Date: 29th of November
Current Location: Outerspace
Hair Color: Perfect Plum Red.
Righty/Lefty: Righteous. :))

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: close-spaces. and phone calls during bedtime.
Your dream of the perfect date: at the roof. gazing stars, while holding hands.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: no no. im getting tricked again. it's still early.
Your best physical feature: ehh? why dont you tell me. :)
Your bed time: dunno. you freak! :))
Your most missed memory: feb 14, 2008. :))

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: coke zero. aaah. *thirst
McDonald’s or Burger King: mcdonals. as always :))
Single or Group Dates: both will do :)
Adidas or Nike: err. barefoot :))
Chocolate or Vanilla: sukolate :">
Cappuccino or Coffee: espresso :)

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: i smoke dope. :)) haha.
Cuss: err. in a classy way. ahaha. :))
Take showers: guess what? yes. haha
Have a crush: ohh yes. :D
Like school: like ditching classes for lablab. :)
Believe in yourself: at times nerr :)
Believe what goes around comes around: owyee :).
Believe everything happens for a reason: affirmative :)
Think you’re a health freak: just freak. :D

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: yep yep.
Been on stage: hahaha. crap!
Eaten sushi: california maki. *starve
Been hurt: a bit fragile.
Dyed your hair: almost every other month. geez'

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: never.
Kissed the same sex: hahaha. THAT BITCH! sh*t.
Gotten beaten up: twisted exboyfriend.
Changed who you were to fit in: why would I?

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 25?
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 1o?

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: chocolate brown puffy eyes. :">
hair color: doesnt matter.
Fat or fit: whatever.
Looks or personality: both please.
Fun or serious: seriously funny.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: this :)
1 HOUR AGO: telebabad :)
1 WEEK AGO: sleeping galore :D
1 YEAR AGO: dont wanna remember. puhleez :(

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: like i wanna write you a letter :)
I HATE: it because you wont even bother. :(
I HIDE: a lot of em' under my bed 2 summers back :)
I NEED: some hot chocolates. and bellpeppers. so i can sleep straight :)
I LOVE: sharing love :D

Monique (Môw-nik) ;

1. cute when she sneezes;
and know how to bring up a persons day, even after math classes;
only the luckiest guy ever gets to be in the presence of Monique;
and goes crazy at times;
she is also good at volleyball.

2. a really hot girl who is the best kind of girl for relationships. she IS a HUGE F-L-I-R-T, i mean she flirts with every known person on earth, man or woman, doesnt matter to her. but thats ok, because everyone still loves her to death. exceppt her haters, who noone really cares about.

gosh, that monique girl is just so hot, i wish she could be my girlfriend.

Bob:That monique girl was all over me in sci, hope this menas she likes me.
ju:dont nget your hopes up on her, there are so many boys who want her....

Monique (Môw-nik) ;

1. a person that is very true to herself. Tries to act mature but in the end can screw up because of a simple mistake or absent minded act. Very honest about most topics, unless it would hurt ones feelings if talked about to others. Can be somewhat bossy at times, and very self-conscious. Cares too much about those close to her, and can't stand betrayals. In general, doesn't want to feel left out, but will change for the people she loves. Very random, but tries to act sweet.

2. can be very verbal, overly defensive, and a real strict discliplinarian she can also be quiet, thoughtful, seductive and mysterious. Monique's are creative, intelligent and dislikes clutter, and loud obnoxious stuff others call music. To win this girl, honesty, and truth will get you on a higher ranking than lies and flattery. Don't expect this girl to be subserivant, treat her as an equal and don't try to control her. She will only put up with so much bull before she kicks you to the curb, and she won't care a bit about your bruised ego at that point.

3. a girl who is random, goes crazy at times, and has naturally curly hair. Attractive to some, weird to others. Acts too tough and then can break down in rapid mood swings. But still, everyone loves her anyway.

Monique (Môw-nik)